Surviving the 2 week wait when you are completely insane

Step 1: Test Early, Test Often

Test so that you can see the line from your ovulation trigger shot disappear. Then, test over and over to see if a line starts to re-appear. Ignore anything to do with the medical possibility that an embryo could even implant this early, or that your pee might just be less diluted than when you tested two days ago.

Step 2: Develop false hope. Immediately develop a strong sense of impending doom.

So the line is a little darker than Tuesday? You’re pregnant. Put a deposit on a cribs. Learn to knit tiny socks. Actually. Keep both tests so you can compare them both post evaporation. Take out a red pen and write the date on them. No, actually you did that last time and you miscarried. Throw the tests out!! Stop thinking about it. Aggresively embrace nonchalance because it’s mostly nonchalant people who get to keep their babies. Act French. Accept your fate, another miscarriage is on its way, oh well! You’ll drink champagne and smoke vogues. Plan your skinny childfree post infertility life.

Step 3: Hyperfocus on statistics. Discard statistics. Go on Tik Tok.

Ask Chat GPT to use two fucking swimming pools of water to tell you what you already know. Somewhere between 6-15% chance of miscarriage. What good is that to you when there’s only a 1% chance you would have had those three fucking miscarriages in the first place. Look up triple rainbow babies on Tik Tok, put up with the American twee aesthetics. One woman was told there wasn’t a heartbeat and then she had triplets 9 months later. Do not fact check anything.

Step 4: Torture family. If you are on this rollercoaster, they must be too.

It’s darker isn’t it? Tell me I’m not insane.

Yes, definitly darker. Just enjoy the hope for today.

Ok yes, that’s wise.

Congrats Emily!

DO NOT WISH ME CONGRATULATIONS YET I AM PROBABLY IMAGINING THINGS.

Step 5: Wish you were someone with an entirely different personality

There are people out there who don’t do this to themselves. This is probably the cohort who have the healthy babies. Wait for the clinic Beta HCG blood test. WAIT FOR THE CLINIC BETA HCG BLOOD TEST.

Step 6: Decide that, actually, you are right

No. Those people are insane. All I’m doing is creating a softer curve for the eventual disappointment. Except actually today now what I have done is raise the curve so next Saturday or Tuesday could be potentially devastating. But you know what? I’ve done devastating. I’m still ok. Decide for today, it’s ok to have a little bit of neurotic hope.